Puberty And Justice For All

by Barling Collins (B.C.)

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about

Fresh off their stint in Atsushi Miura's Dirty Round Eyes, the oddball guitar and cello duo decide to embark on their own long-overdue freshman album. Recorded in the same studio as Miura's "Cheap and Fake," this time by Stu Gilchrist, Puberty catches an overly-relaxed melange of boneheadery and shuddering quirk. (I can't believe I just typed that with a straight face.)

credits

released July 4, 2004

Stephen Barling - guitar and vocal
Brandon Collins - cello and vocal

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Barling Collins (B.C.) Charlottesville, Virginia

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Track Name: Go To Hell
What it was
You isn't what I am
But I don't give a damn
You can take the highway.

How you do?
My mind's made up for certain
I hate to see you hurtin'
But I don't mind the view.

Go to hell
Miles of lillies strewn between us
Make a carpet of our dunes
Take the hill and I'll surrender

Go to hell
Fish in pockets full of treason
Bake the goddess in a kiln
Weave a basket from her hair

And go to hell

Sho' you right
It doesn't mean a thing
It really never did
And we'll just go on bluffing

But you know
If you fix it in your mind
And think of it most kind
You might deeply feel the nonsense

Go to hell.....
Track Name: Uncle Jerry's Nasty Granny
Uncle Jerry's Nasty Granny
got a tattoo on her fanny
"Motorcycle Disco Maven"
--gets her more of what she's cravin'
Finds herself a cheap Madonna
Takes her home and mounts her 'pon a
pedestal of ice and silver
and all the crumbcake she could pilfer
takes you...
over and over again, too...
over and over again

Went down to the local dairy
to buy a quart of something scary
pasteurized or else just blinding
not satisfied with what she's finding
homogenous extra milk fat
sparsely laid out by the churn vat
toe-to-toe the carton vendor
softly curses Hell to send her
takes you...
over and over again, true....
over and over again

Seems at times there's nothing better
than to wipe your mustache on your sweater
get your fill and quench your motor
bounce the check for what you owed her
ignore the date stamp, sign the ledger
promise love for all you pledge her
then again perhaps it's truer
to leave undone the ways you do her
takes you...
over and over again, too...
over and over again, true?
over and over again
Track Name: The Whole Enchilada
You ain't nothin' but a demon in spurs
you ain't nothin' but a traitor in furs
and you ain't Joe Namath and you ain't no saint
caught you sneakin' around mixin' blood in the paint...

And that's the whole enchilada
Yeah, the whole enchilada

satan

Well I heard ol' Moses had balls made of lead
but he still let that burning bush go to his head
because learning Sanskrit, Latin, Aramaic's a bore
and there ain't nobody speaking tongues no more...

And that's the whole enchilada
Yeah, the whole enchilada
Track Name: Jackal of Love
if I smashed your face in with a crobar
and watched your brains and teeth spill on the floor
it wouldn't be enough
to make up for all the bad days
and suicidal mornings

'cuz you let me down
jackal of love
you let me down
jackal of love

I'd like to see you eaten by a gator
or maybe one could just chew off your leg
we could watch your blood flow down
the swampy Swanee River
with no one left to beg

'cuz you let me down
jackal of love
you let me down
jackal of love

I hope they pull you over
with a kilo in the trunk
and take you off to prison for a while
just think of me when
the twisted motherfuckers come to do you again
you'd never make the trial
and I'd just have to smile

'cuz you let me down
jackal of love
you let me down
jackal of love
Track Name: (That's Right) I'm Looking At Your Girlfriend
She's giving me the eye
He hasn't got a clue
She thinks she's pretty fly
I think that she is too

That's right, I'm looking at your girlfriend
That's right, she's looking at me too
That's right, I'm looking at your girlfriend
and I think she's kinda hot for me...

I see you walking by
You've got her by the arm
But when I hear her sigh
It sets off my alarm

That's right...

I see you walking by
You think you're pretty cool
but you make me want to cry
she makes me want to drool

That's right...
Track Name: Sid
Sometimes, looking down on South Street
seems fine, danglin' out the old meat
those vinyl gloves must feel just so sweet
close to the light, waxing the candle to the soft beat

At one time, used to rooty-toot it
though half-blind, you found you could reroute it
it still shines, ain't no one can refute it
run it up the flagpole and let's see who will salute it again

It's in the name of the Lord
tell me the name of the band
if the harmonica bores you, don't tell Sid
so we can be together again
Track Name: Goalie Host
How come you always smell like peanuts?
Like Barnum in your red pajamas
It's the only way to go

And I won't always fake surrender
but ruminate in strange expressions
makes me feel more like a prince

Marcus Garvey
Al Capone
greater lovers
never known
and I'd relive you
and I still may
breath for whistling
oh shiftless day

Better things ahead for certain
but ascertaining that's a bitch
it's this plentiful abandon

you might be the fourth ascendant
a matriarch on microbrews
or a changling in the mud

Marcus Welby
Vic Damone
ass to elbow
grinding stone
and I'd forgive you
and I still may
breath for whistling
oh shiftless day

mama tell me when to coast
my antennae goalie host
Track Name: Whatever You Want
I want
whatever you want
whatever you want
whatever you want

I'm gonna get you
a hundred pound box of rain
oh, I'm gonna get you
a hundred pound box of rain

oh, I want
whatever you want...

I'm gonna get you
a thousand mile line of beads
oh, I'm gonna get you
a thousand mile line of beads

oh, I want
whatever you want...

I'm gonna love you
and never let you go
oh, I'm gonna love you
and never let you go
oh, I'm gonna get you
and let you run away
oh, I'm gonna get you
and let you run away

away eeeyay eeeyay eeeyay...

I want
whatever you want
whatever you are
whatever you're on

oh, I'm gonna get you
a hundred pound box of rain
oh, I'm gonna get you
a thousand mile line of beads
oh, I'm gonna get you
a million ton block of cheese
oh, I'm gonna get you
a store full of groceries
oh, I'm gonna get you
a twenty-one gun salute
I'm gonna get you
a twenty-one gun salute
yes, I'm gonna get you
a twenty-one gun salute
I'm gonna get you
a twenty-one gun salute

away eeeyay eeeyay eeeyay...
Track Name: Beaver
One finger
To hold back the flood
Itchy triggers
Don't guarantee blood
Stick your hand in the crack and let's call for the Coast Guard

So eager
To trim out the fat
That the beavers
Provided for that
Gave their pelts when the overflow filled past the lake line

And although we sing their tune
The delight ebony moon
May be damned if we do
On the lam if we won't
Take the kit down with you
Maybe build a new fort
Track Name: Cry 4th Amendment
I caught Orrin Hatch
sneakin round in my ganja patch
it was an Iree batch
and I want back the buds he snatched

You know the GOP
they get all their buds for free
so why they always got to be
messin' with my ganja tree

Cry fourth amendment
leave me alone please

Orrin Hatch
stay the hell out of my ganja patch
or I'll pull back the latch
and leave you with no ass to scratch

Trent Lott
I wanna smoke the buds he got
I'll bet it is some Iree pot
some high grade stone cold crusher crop

Up on the capitol hill
they roll up big blunts and chill
and twist up big stacks of bills
to huff up all the blow they swill

Cry fourth amendment
leave me alone please
Track Name: American As Fuck
When time's been a-wastin'
and stealin' you blind
and the clouds that're gatherin'
ain't all in your mind
hard whiskey and women
made a fool of your soul
and there ain't nowhere safe you can roll

When the whole world just sucks
and you're shit outta luck
Just be thankful you're American as fuck
oh, be thankful you're American as fuck

When your wife up and leaves you
on the Jerry Springer Show
'cuz you gave her the finger
and you called her a "ho"
and your boss up and fires you
for showin' up all drunk
and you'd be more loved if you was a skunk

When the whole world just sucks...

Well you can live on hard liquor
and sleep in a log
and you can go back to night-school
but you can't take your dog
there ain't nothing much better than nothin' to do
'cept fer maybe a case a cold brew

When the whole world just sucks...

Aw shit.