1. |
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I don't need no penis cream
I don't need no penis cream
Ten e-mails for penis cream
No, twelve e-mails for penis cream
I don't need to mortgage my home
I don't even own my home
Can't afford to rent my home
Ten e-mails to mortgage my home
I don't need no cheap prescriptions
These for real? They look suspicious
Drugs to cure my pill addictions
Ten e-mails for cheap prescriptions
I don't need no bigger dick
It's like my arm but twice as thick
I don't need no bigger dick
Ten e-mails for a bigger dick
I don't open foreign e-mails
Messages from horny females
Advertising dvd sales
I don't open foreign e-mails
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2. |
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My friend's gal is pretty strange
She got a funny idea 'bout playin' games
She dress up like a ragdoll and heads downtown
Where a bunch of fierce women be hangin' 'round
Well you know she's come to do you harm
She's gonna grab your sister by the arm
And wrestle
Yeah wrestle
There ain't much to do in this old town
For a broke tooth girl dressed like a clown
But for a few CLAWBUCKS and a PBR
She's gonna be an arm wrestling superstar
Well, the ref says she'll need more than luck
So I bought his ass off with a stack of CLAWBUCKS
Now wrestle
Yeah wrestle
There ain't much a rational man won't do
For a strong-arm gal in a tight cat suit
And a purple-haired demon on a motorbike
Make a weak-armed lover come home at night
Let the losers lose and the winners win
Cuz I blew all my cash on Tragedy Ann
Now wrestle
Yeah wrestle
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3. |
Pissed-Off Shit and Tits
03:14
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Pissed-off shit and tits
I'm tired of thinkin' 'bout it
pissed-off shit and tits
been chompin' at the bit 'bout
pissed-off shit
pissed-off shit and tits
Pissed-off shit and tits
I'm tired of worryin' 'bout it
pissed-off shit and tits
been chompin at the bit 'bout
pissed-off shit
pissed-off shit and tits
I been down so long
I'm tired of thinkin' 'bout it
down so long
I'm tired of singin' 'bout the same old song
I'm tired of worryin' 'bout it
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4. |
Cats On The Bed
02:21
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Used to be there were cats on the bed
Then there weren't any cats on the bed
She demanded there be cats on the bed
Now there's cats on the bed
She said she didn't even really much like cats
other people's dogs might as well be rats
"Keep 'em with your children, they're just filthy brats, yeah"
That's what she said
Used to be there were cats on the bed
Then there weren't any cats on the bed
She demanded there be cats on the bed
Now there's cats on the bed
She said the workin' people got a good dream that
close resembles that of one good lean cat
"Keep on petting me and I'll be right back"
That's what she said
Used to be there were cats on the bed
Then there weren't any cats on the bed
She demanded there be cats on the bed
Now there's cats on the bed
She said "you gotta follow on what's wrong right
yesterday, tomorrow, maybe tonight.
Yes, forever and infernally finite"
That's what she said
Used to be there were cats on the bed
Then there weren't any cats on the bed
She demanded there be cats on the bed
Now there's cats on the bed
Ain't nothin' special 'bout what's up on the bed
'cept what you make it happen in your old head
"And if it's cozy, how can it be wicked?"
That's what she said
Used to be there were cats on the bed
Then there weren't any cats on the bed
She demanded there be cats on the bed
Now there's cats on the bed
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5. |
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She used to go to his house and stay out all night
Drinking Skyy Vodka and doing lotsa cocaine
I always wondered why I never got invited
But now I know
While I was back at home caressing my computer
They're solving mysteries, exposing famous spies, yeah
Involved in international intrigue and finance
Stopping crime
I'm kinda jealous of you
You and your rockstar friends
You seem so happy and cool
You and your rockstar friends
I'll watch your hideout for you
You and your rockstar friends
Now I remember how she used to seemed athletic
Receiving phone calls in the night from secret strangers
She said her diaghragm had magic super powers
That could kill
And then one night I found a hidden piece of paper
That said "meet me in Trafalgar Square at sundown
I'll wear a carnation and you wear next to nothing
We'll do lunch."
I followed her to his house and waited outside
For several hours then I peeked into the window
There she was naked and tied up on the bed so
I burst in
"I've come to save you" I said as I untied her
She looked real nervous like someone was behind me
I spun around and gave the finger to the villain
He got his.
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6. |
Sacred Mound
03:50
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Fifteen Nickels in the fountain
Fatima's eye up on the sill
No it ain't no lonely mountain
It's just an ornery hill
Four out of five still recommend it
Shake like Shiva spinning free
And dance on air in time suspended
Like it's your destiny
Take the boxcars down
to that sacred mound
where the drummers pound
and the people shimmy
No whammies
All alone and unprotected
Sixteen saviors on the hill
With Krishna's chords now resurrected
Much to the maidens' thrill
Hand in hand all come together
Eye to eye all state their will
And bye and bye all reach their measure
Unto Fatima's fill
Take the boxcars down
to that sacred mound
where the drummers pound
and the people shimmer
Like Barney Miller
Moneychangers in the temple
Jehovah's eye now roamin' free
The loudest prayer ain't always simple
Or in harmony
So thank the world we're all together
And praise the world we're all the same
With our universal center
We play the planet's game
Take the boxcars down
to that sacred mound
where the drummers pound
and the people shimmer
We got a winner
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7. |
All-Nighters
02:32
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Go to sleep in the morning
Wake up well past noon
You stick around here long enough
You'll be howling like a loon
Feel free to go double-fisted
But try to pull your own weight
'Cuz when the sun comes up
We all go down
I'll meet you at the gate
Now don't be late
Try to change your own diaper
Try not to make us all frown
'Cuz if there's ever a problem
We'll either back you up or shut you down
Don't try to play all familiar
If you ain't never been home
I could take you back
To my old shack
And teach you 'bout the stone
You're better off alone
Ain't no rules of engagement
Ain't no protocol
An anarchical community
With icicles on its balls
Feel free to warm up the cousins
But don't expect too much bait
'Cuz when the love comes up
We all go down
And you might meet your fate
Wouldn't that be great?
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8. |
Sexually Attractive
02:57
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If I sit on the sofa for a couple more years
spend all my money on porno and beers
I know you'd still like me, but what would you say
would you still find me sexually attractive?
Would you still find me sexually attractive
if I gained fifty pounds, fired off a few rounds
from the armchair of life I'd call you my wife
if you still found me sexually attractive
If I stopped taking showers and combing my hair
left empty bottles of filth everywhere
made up religions and called myself God
would you still find me sexually attractive?
Would you still find me sexually attractive
If I dressed all in furs and used racial slurs?
At the point of a knife, I'd call you my wife
if you still found me sexually attractive
If I stopped smoking reefer and combin' my hair
stuck "Pave The Rainforest" on the back of my car
started listening to Rush Limbaugh and believing that crap
would you still find me sexually attractive?
Would you still find me sexually attractive
If I sat on my tush and voted for Bush
a Republican life but I'd call you my wife
if you still found me sexually attractive
If you still found me sexually attractive
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9. |
Lay Me Down
04:00
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As I fall in love with you
Tell me lies but make 'em true
I've got all that I can handle to believe
If a fool could melt your heart
Find out just wherefore you art
Well, there ain't no bigger joker in the mall
So come on lay me down once again
We been singin' 'bout those stories, talkin' 'bout those songs
Come on, lay me down
I'll be bringing you those roses in the dawn
Like a poem you'd be true
And I'd always come for you
Though my armor ain't so shiny when you're gone
So come here beside me lay
Let the hours slip away
And may morning's sweet surrender fill the song
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10. |
Musician So Stupid
02:27
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Musician so stupid
Musician so stupid
We should know - we're musicians
Play around in bars
Never make any money
Promise lots of sexy girls
But we never get any
Sexy girls so stupid
Sexy girls so stupid
We should know - we're musicians
Get a tattoo on your back
It's not sexy but whatever
Smoke too many cigarettes
And your boyfriend is an asshole
Smoking so stupid
Smoking so stupid
We should know - we're musicians
Smell like an ashtray all the time
And your fingers turning orange
If the cigarettes run out
Find a restaurant and forage
Restaurant workers so stupid
Restaurant workers so stupid
We should know - we're musicians
Work for $2.13 an hour
Serving jerks who never tip you
Then you get to clean the toilets
At least you're not a musician
Musician so stupid...
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11. |
Rotten Candy
02:18
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I wanna be
Vice President
Don't fuck with me
I own the government
And I might shoot you in the face
or throw away the key
feed the world the rotten candy
of my dreams
I wanna be
Arch criminal
Rule land and sea
but all subliminal
And I might shoot you in the face
or throw away the key
feed the world the rotten candy
of my dreams
I wanna be
Chief frickin' pimp
But liberty
makes Dick all limp
And I might shoot you in the face
or throw away the key
feed the world the rotten candy
of my dreams
I wanna be
King fuckin' Kong
My pedigree
would be eight feet long
And I might shoot you in the face
or throw away the key
feed the world the rotten candy
of my dreams
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12. |
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Cocksucker motherfucker
you make me laugh the way you stutter
with all the twisted shit you utter
Cocksucker motherfucker
You stupid hole you make me throw up
most every time that you show up
I sometimes wish you would just grow up
you stupid hole you make me throw up
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13. |
Big Red Boner
03:19
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Larry's meeting Mary at the Aberdeen Barn
but she's so smokin' when he gets there that he's mildly alarmed
and his trouser fabric tightens as she grinds on his hip
'cuz he knows what Mary's thinkin' when she's bitin' her lip
"He's got a big red boner (yeah, man!)
he's got a big red boner (yeah, man!)
he's got a big red boner and he knows just what to do."
Larry's got no problems with a case of the clap
but he's worried about the vixen squirmin' round on his lap
if the matre d' don't like it, she can go suck an egg
'cuz when Mary's tasted chicken, she won't settle for leg.
"Excuse me for a minute," Mary suddenly moans,
"I think I'm fillin' up on gravy-- what I wants is the bones,
if we must discuss this further, meet me out by the car.
and I'll forego the appetizer for your nice candy bar."
Now Larry's feeling stupid with a blush on his face
'cuz Mary's craving candy and he can't move from his place.
and with his lack of circulation and embarassing tent
he'd be lucky just to make it to the bathroom unbent.
Excuse me Maitre d'ear, I need another beer
I'm stepping out to catch my breath-- be back early next year
here's a quarter for the water and a twenty for the wait
and here's my mother's number just in case I fibrillate.
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14. |
Solid Dog
02:29
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She's a snotty little hottie drinking forties on the potty
Like a brand new Maserati, it's a party in her body
She lacks a sense of recompense and hence some feel she can be quite dense
But she always comes through with a trick or two for suspense.
And in the morning she will shake a solid dog
He was the queen of the trippin' team
His velvet scream made the rich folk cream
But his lines were rehearsed and his delivery burst at the seam.
He'd mop the mess 'til we all confess - I digress -
His second best was still anyone's guess
But always true like a trigger to the breast
And in the morning he will wake a solid dog
It's an erudite confession for a dangerous profession
Just to teach us all a lesson they stay always effervescent
Pick up the clue with an inhale or two catch the scent
They keep chasing down the rabbit just as though they have to have it
But before they reach to grab it angry wolves come out and nab it
Just what they need as the pack recedes from view
And in the morning they'll forsake that solid dog
Yes in the morning overtake that solid dog
Well in the morning they'll remake that solid dog.
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15. |
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NASCAR people rule the world
NASCAR people rule the world
They get all the pretty girls
They keep drinking when they hurl
They're so cool, who could blame 'em?
NASCAR people rule the world
NASCAR people take the cake
NASCAR people take the cake
They leave wussies in their wake
Drive through town and never brake
They're so cool, who could blame 'em?
NASCAR people take the cake
NASCAR people are the best
NASCAR people are the best
Get that tattooed on your breast
I'll get Earnhart on my chest
He's so cool, who could blame me?
NASCAR people are the best
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16. |
Deeper Forest
07:34
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My heart is open
my mind is clear
and I don't need directions
but if you wonder
why I'm still hanging 'round
you see it's a funny thing
I've got a notion
to sail the sea
to seek the holy jungle
but I could bungle in these woods
just as easily
Ain't no deeper forest
ain't no wrong side of the hill
it don't get no better
yet you know we always will
Ain't no big decision
we are right here on the spot
ain't no hell to speak of
but it sure do get real hot
Down in the dungeons
of my devotion
I met a world who woke so sweet
I had to jump up to keep my feet
out in the cold again
But we can warm up
and we can last time
and we can heal ourselves today
and if the wind just blows our way
we'll all be well again
Ain't no deeper forest
ain't no wrong side of the hill
it don't get no better
yet you know we always will
Ain't no big decision
we are right here on the spot
ain't no hell to speak of
but it sure do get real hot
Out in the desert
down by the ocean
where all the only gather
to speak of holy matters
most a-peculiarly
but on a pin-drop
the spell is broken
and the only thing to say
that all is light and therefore day
is only natural
Ain't no deeper forest
ain't no wrong side of the hill
it don't get no better
yet you know we always will
Ain't no big decision
we are right here on the spot
ain't no hell to speak of
but it sure do get real hot
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17. |
Oblivion
02:43
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It's the end
impossible has arrived
no use your whinin'
planets are disposable
so put on your dark shades
I'll meet you at the tanning spa
now that the sun is dangerous
reach out and grab it
Oblivion
The water's pure
--pure bullshit, if you need to know
and the air we breathe
is mostly asphalt dust
so sue your parents
for the terrible shit they stuck you in
bringin' your sad and sorry waste
into this world
Oblivion
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18. |
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Until then I'll be a'missin' you
Dreamin' of kissin' you
And wondering when
We'll be a'fallin' in love
When I see you again
I'll love you when I see you again
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